I have a problem and I can’t seem to fix it. Somewhere along the way, between the reading and writing and map-making frenzy, I have forgotten what I am actually trying to do. I have lost my way.
The most harmless questions have come to feel like an assault on my soul. Of course no one seems to notice the dullness I feel when they ask, “So when are you finished?” And my answer, almost automated after countless repetitions of the same spiel, has become tedious and halfhearted. I have lost my way.
The date on the calendar has come and gone. The date that I was hoping may be my last day as a student. The date, which has prevented me from graduating and joining the real world for good, has gone while I was busy making ‘stuff’ and forgetting what the point was. I have lost my way.
Somewhere, in the translation from head through hand and onto the computer screen, I forgot about being real. I forgot what it was like to get excited about learning and discovering and designing. I forgot about epiphanies, because I lost my way.
And today is the day that I start listening again. Listening to my heart, my research, and my epiphanies. Today I remember what I am trying to do, trying to make the world, my world, a little bit better. Eventually I will find my way.